1. As long as you remain honest with me, I will give you my trust.
2. As long as you act responsibly (relatively), I will give you my respect.
3. As long as you have something to show me, I will give you my admiration.
4. As long as you have something to say, I will give you my ear.
5. As long as you or I are alive, I will give you my heart (not strictly conditional).

1. Hedge Case:  This one I have to admit is my own (edge case being the valid phrase referring to scenarios that would happen very infrequently).  In my defense, I think it makes sense on its own – such rare happenstances make up the periphery of the majority (much like a hedge around the yard).  Maybe not.
2. Defiantly:  Granted this is a real word and has its place … but not as a substitute for the word definitely.  My suspicion is that the co-worker who often uses this in his emails has been getting screwed by his own spell checker.  I think he is likely typing definately which Outlook decidedly thinks is more similar to the topical misnomer than the intended adverb.
3. Gambit:  Working in a development department, testing is inevitable.  But not matter how many times it comes up, ‘I’ll run it through the whole gamut of test cases’ is never what seems to come out of people’s mouths.
4. Raft/Rash of Shit:  To be honest, I don’t even know which of these is right – I’ve heard it both ways and I’ve attempted to research it to declare a clear winner, but to know avail.  I cannot find a reliable source and either argument is an equally supportable.
5. For All Intensive Purposes:  This also is a phrase that I know I’ve used but have since learned otherwise (in case you were not aware, it should be ‘for all intents and purposes’).  But it is hard not to say it the wrong way – it rolls off the tongue more easily and few people fault you for the error.

Feel free to share your favorite misuses of words or phrases.  And for additional fun, check out this old FedEx commercial (this topic always reminds me of this):

In honor of the late King of Pop, here are five songs that I can appreciate of his (in no particular order):

1. Billy Jean – Back in the day, this is the song that stood out among his popular hits. I enjoyed Beat It and P.Y.T. as well, but this one (though I didn’t really get it at the age of moved me more than any of his other works at the time.
2. Thriller – this was a classic. While most artists were trying to come up with videos to showcase their music, Michael wrote this song with the video in mind from the beginning. I’m not even sure what the message of the song is or if there really is one, but the visuals it stirs are vivid and clear (and obviously a bit spooky).
3. Smooth Criminal – I have to admit, I never really knew or appreciated this song until Alien Ant Farm remade it recently. But having heard their version, I have a better appreciation for this song in general.
4. The Way You Make Me Feel – ok, this one is a little hokey. But being 12 at the time, it had a feel-good sound I could appreciate.
5. ABC – a Jackson 5 throwback (apparently actually before my time), this song just has pep and a fun sound to it. It stands up well, as far as pop songs are concerned.

1. What Girls Want by Material Issue:  Okay, I’m already embarrassed about this one.  Mostly because it is a very dated style that I can’t remember why I liked, but I did (in high school, though – I was young and stupid then).  And generally the lyrics portray women to be pretty flaky and senseless … but to a peppy beat.
2. Heterosexual Man by The Odds:  This one I’m actually not at all embarrassed about.  This is not really negative towards women so much as pointing out how sex-driven man can be.  The characterization is sadly not far from the truth.  I first saw the video on 120 Minutes on MTV (back when they still showed music videos) and was hooked on the song and the band.
3. Closer by Nine Inch Nails:  Again, this one doesn’t really demean women, but it portrays men as essentially a a few social conformities away from screwing anything that moves.  The video was f-ed up, but in a kind of awesome/train-wreck kind of way.
4. She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd:  As with others, I had gotten hooked on this song due to the video – I loved the build up with the fry cook and the kid in the classroom.  And whenever the song comes on the radio in my car (when I’m alone) I can’t help but belt out every word at the top of my lungs (the unedited lyrics of course).  And for those who are unaware, the theme of this song is of a guy pissed off about being blue-balled.
5. Darling Nikki by Foo Fighters:  I know this is a cover of a Prince song, but I heard this version first and enjoy it a lot better.  Unfortunately, Dave Grohl wasn’t proud enough of this performance to include it in any U.S. releases and the only videos I could find were concert footage.  I suppose this song doesn’t really depict women badly so much as depict a questionable member of the gender (though that is even debatable depending on your stance on acceptable behaviors).

I’m sure there are plenty of raunchier songs out there, but these are my picks.  If you’ve got some, feel free to add your thoughts.

1. From 5yo daughter – “Wouldn’t it be cool if dogs could talk – not just communicate, but talk like people do?”
2. From 2yo son regarding a nearby pet store with a paw print logo – “Let’s go to Blue’s Clues store.”
3. From 5yo while walking in a stream and talking about the animals that live in the stream under the rocks – “So am I squishing all their houses right now?”
4. My wife recently had another MRSA-infected cut so we had to go through decontamination.  While swabbing my daughter’s nostrils with an antibiotic salve, my son pipes up “I want white boogers, too!”
5. From daughter – “Mommy, I love you ten.  But Daddy, I love you eleven.”  (she has always been a daddy’s girl)