In truth, I hardly feel like I’m about to be 35.  But perhaps my mind just likes to let me feel that way.   Most of the signs of my age are things I can live with (I’ll take graying hair over balding) or tolerate (ibuprofen helps at times).  Some are comparative – while I don’t feel like I’ve matured more than a little in the last decade, but if I was anything like some of the 25-year-olds I know 10 years ago, then I’ve come a longer way than I’ve noticed.  I guess that a lot of it is perception.  But so far there are no costs to my age that I can complain about.

Kids help.  While on one hand they certainly can be challenging a lot of the time, the biggest challenge they offer is to your own perceptions of the world and what matters in it.  Before I had kids, even in my 20′s I found myself making efforts to define myself as an individual – both to myself and to others.  Now I know who I am and don’t feel a need to prove it to anyone.  My responsibilities are clear and my resolve is steadfast.  Plus they can make life so much fun.  They have personalities that are so big and bright that I can’t help but be drawn into them like the best show to watch is happening right in my house.

All that said, as I reflect on my time thus far in life I feel the need to question my progress.  Have I done all that I should have done by this point?  Do I know all that I should know?  It is the kind of introspect that leads to no good answers and often just to no good – the kind that leads to mid-life crises (and I can’t really afford a new sports car right now).

But again, perspective helps allay my mind.  I’ve never been one to give in to peer pressure or be all that comparative to or covetous of my neighbors.  And so I can soldier on in the knowledge that I know what I know and I’ve done what I did.  The only thing I can do is keep making the most of my time.  And at the moment I think the best use of such time might be for some sleep and prepare to tackle another opportunity for life experiences in the morning.  If I have any of note, I’ll be sure to let you all know.  In the least, perhaps you might learn from my mistakes.

So where am I?  Where am I headed?  Where have I been?  Let’s tackle these one area at a time.  And since I seem to spend a lot of time there, let’s start with work.  I’m actually very happy with my job – moreso than I can recall ever having been with any other job.  Prior to this one, the longest I’ve been with a job is 3 years.  And with most the honeymoon felt like it was over within the first one (sometimes sooner).  I am only 2 1/2 years into my current tenure, but this job feels much different than 2 years into any other job.  I work with good people that I respect and enjoy.  I have respect and recognition in my own work.  And I do something that I enjoy doing and keeps me excited and challenged.  I can’t say that I’m soaring up the rungs to becoming someone huge and important, but I’m really not an ambitious person – my family is more important to me than my career and my job fits that just fine.

Speaking of my family, my daughter is only about 6 months from starting Kindergarten.  A colleague that I’ve been growing closer to also has a son who is starting next Fall, but he is planning to send his son to a private school.  I feel like something about that should bother me, but it really doesn’t.  If that is what he wants for his children, more power to him.  I personally am perfectly content to sed my kids to public school (after all, it is a lot cheaper).  Ten years ago, I might have gotten into a discussion with him over it to see if he really thinks it is worth the money (I often enjoyed playing devil’s advocate in such scenarios).  Maybe it is a change in perspective that comes with age.  Why argue over who’s right?  Can’t we both be right?

Another thing that I would have argued with some about a decade ago would be religion.  I was raised with a split religious background.  And by split I mean that my mother was an evangelical baptist and my father was diametrically opposed to church in general.  By grade school I was “saved”.  By high school I was a church youth group regular (to be honest, there were cute girls there).  And by college I had a number of doubts that could not be abated by theologic discussion.  For a while I became a lot like my dad – I felt like organized religion was a lie and didn’t want any part of it.  I would use my doubts to question others on the merits of their own faith (for that I have some regret).  By now, I still feel strongly that religion is a placebo that has no place in my life, but I have no problem with those who choose to make it a part of theirs.  Who am I to tell others how to live?

I think what surprises me most about where I’ve come to arrive in life is the perspectives of others about me.  I grew up with a lot of doubt and a severe lack of confidence.  It took me a long time to really come out of my shell.  And yet I get the impression from some of those who know me now who never knew me when I was younger that the expect I was born confident and sarcastic.  I’ve actually found myself advising myself to be less forward and direct as I have to be conscious of how I may affect the confidence of others.  Funny how life works sometimes.

So with all this, I feel like I’m finally hitting my stride in life.  I can’t say that I have all the answers.  I’m certainly not sitting pretty (I’ve got plenty of debts and plenty more things I need to try to afford).  But I like who I am, where I am, and where things are headed.  I like what I do, I love my family (and they seem to love me), and I feel like I’ve got traction to keep the momentum going.  Now to figure out what specific things I need to tackle next.  I think the first thing on my list is a new family car.  Any suggestions?