I’m feeling rather introspective at the moment. Life is full of change and complication and agendas that could care less how well you keep up. If you don’t take time to reflect on where you have been and where you are going, the journey loses a lot of its meaning. These words feel somewhat ironic as most of the time I find myself giving my wife the opposite advice – she has a tendancy to let the past and the future overwhelm her so I ground her by telling her to focus on the present. In truth, we need balance; we need to live in the moment while not losing sight of the past or losing focus on the future. But no matter how much it is preached, it is a difficult lesson to embrace.
So where am I? Where am I headed? Where have I been? Let’s tackle these one area at a time. And since I seem to spend a lot of time there, let’s start with work. I’m actually very happy with my job – moreso than I can recall ever having been with any other job. Prior to this one, the longest I’ve been with a job is 3 years. And with most the honeymoon felt like it was over within the first one (sometimes sooner). I am only 2 1/2 years into my current tenure, but this job feels much different than 2 years into any other job. I work with good people that I respect and enjoy. I have respect and recognition in my own work. And I do something that I enjoy doing and keeps me excited and challenged. I can’t say that I’m soaring up the rungs to becoming someone huge and important, but I’m really not an ambitious person – my family is more important to me than my career and my job fits that just fine.
Speaking of my family, my daughter is only about 6 months from starting Kindergarten. A colleague that I’ve been growing closer to also has a son who is starting next Fall, but he is planning to send his son to a private school. I feel like something about that should bother me, but it really doesn’t. If that is what he wants for his children, more power to him. I personally am perfectly content to sed my kids to public school (after all, it is a lot cheaper). Ten years ago, I might have gotten into a discussion with him over it to see if he really thinks it is worth the money (I often enjoyed playing devil’s advocate in such scenarios). Maybe it is a change in perspective that comes with age. Why argue over who’s right? Can’t we both be right?
Another thing that I would have argued with some about a decade ago would be religion. I was raised with a split religious background. And by split I mean that my mother was an evangelical baptist and my father was diametrically opposed to church in general. By grade school I was “saved”. By high school I was a church youth group regular (to be honest, there were cute girls there). And by college I had a number of doubts that could not be abated by theologic discussion. For a while I became a lot like my dad – I felt like organized religion was a lie and didn’t want any part of it. I would use my doubts to question others on the merits of their own faith (for that I have some regret). By now, I still feel strongly that religion is a placebo that has no place in my life, but I have no problem with those who choose to make it a part of theirs. Who am I to tell others how to live?
I think what surprises me most about where I’ve come to arrive in life is the perspectives of others about me. I grew up with a lot of doubt and a severe lack of confidence. It took me a long time to really come out of my shell. And yet I get the impression from some of those who know me now who never knew me when I was younger that the expect I was born confident and sarcastic. I’ve actually found myself advising myself to be less forward and direct as I have to be conscious of how I may affect the confidence of others. Funny how life works sometimes.
So with all this, I feel like I’m finally hitting my stride in life. I can’t say that I have all the answers. I’m certainly not sitting pretty (I’ve got plenty of debts and plenty more things I need to try to afford). But I like who I am, where I am, and where things are headed. I like what I do, I love my family (and they seem to love me), and I feel like I’ve got traction to keep the momentum going. Now to figure out what specific things I need to tackle next. I think the first thing on my list is a new family car. Any suggestions?