To my lovely wife on her birthday (yes you):

1. You are a strict realist – a difficult quality to find these days.
2. You remind me every day how important it is to express enthusiasm (something I’ve never been good at.
3. I may not express this often, but you are a shadow in my conscience – I often will hit a gray area at work where I think about how you would handle the situation (then I remove the ass-handing part and do the rest).
4. You have put up with more of my shit than you deserve.
5. You understand the difference between emotional response and character.
6. You don’t put up with nonsense (except the good kind … and some of mine).
7. You have talents you have yet to cultivate and sharper faculties than you give yourself credit for.
8. You never forget anything important (except where you put things).
9. You are the best friend anyone could want – you are great in good times, and even better in bad.
10. You have an electric smile.
11. You have eyes that betray more confidence than you believe yourself to possess.
12. You are independent.
13. You are dependable.
14. You are blunt and often sarcastic.
15. You always know what to say to people.
16. You could win any argument in which you engage – I have no doubt.
17. You amaze me with your ability to teach someone something without giving them a single answer.
18. You also amaze me in your ability to set pasta on fire – it is a rare talent.
19. You could probably make a Thanksgiving dinner with your eyes closed.
20. If there was one thing about you that I first fell in love with, it was probably your sense of humor.
21. You understand that two people can disagree without being at odds (more rare than it should be).
22. You can curse like a sailor.
23. You have more tact than anyone I know.
24. You have a zany streak that I plan to enjoy until we are old and gray.
25. You don’t care about shoes, designer clothes, or hair products (that’s a good thing).
26. You have a respectable appreciation for football.
27. If you decided to go get an office job, I have no doubt you would ace any interview.  But you’d hate working in an office – they are highly unproductive and inefficient places.  You’d go mad.
28. Because of you, our children are happier, smarter, and more well-rounded than I’d have expected them to be or than I could have accomplished on my own.
29. You are self-sacrificing (you need to cut back on that, by the way).
30. I have had and will always have respect for your opinions and wisdom.
31. No matter how stressed we’ve gotten or divided we’ve found ourselves on issues, I’ve never felt disrespected or unappreciated.
32. You may recognize that the song I paraphrased for the title of this post is off by one digit, but you are not the type of person to point that out (though I am).
33. You may refer back to this list every so often to remind yourself of some of these great things about you, but I will never have to – you’ve made an indelible  impression on me and I thank you for it.

There are hundreds of other things that I love about you – many nuances and qualities of your character.  I hope that this short list at least brings a smile to your face on your birthday.  We all miss you at home and hope you enjoy your 33rd without us.

With love from your boob of a husband,

SilentBen

(I hope this is flattering enough that she doesn’t notice that I didn’t get her a gift … yet.)