Category: health

Friday 5: Formula for 12 Years and Counting

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Okay, in hindsight I probably should not have kicked off this meme with a list about an ex-girlfriend … a week before my wedding anniversary.  Granted, my wife is my best friend and this is not an area of discomfort or strife, but some things are better left unspoken – which is one of the things I will get into in this weeks list:  5 things that have made our marriage work (who knows, they may work for you as well).  I’m writing this today because in 2 days my wife and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary.  After all this time, I feel just as close and in love with my wife as ever.  So without further ado, here is my list (I’m sure she will have some points of contention, but this is MY list, not hers):

  1. Trust:  While this seems to be a no-brainer, I’ve seen (and been in) too many relationships that lacked a good foundation of trust.  If you cannot trust your partner, than it puts distance between you.  What is important to note about trust is that it is not the same thing as honesty, but if it goes both ways then honesty will naturally be there.  With weak trust, you can end up with jealousy, guilt, and suspicion which can lead to lying, anger, and vindictive behavior.  I trust my wife and I know she trusts me.  As a result, I don’t feel the need to hide things from her or worry that she is hiding anything from me.  Trust also makes for more open conversation – for instance trust allowed me to tell my wife that I accidentally kissed a co-worker’s hair (she cracked up over it) and trust allows me not to be concerned about the guy from high school that she is still friends with who always had a crush on her.
  2. Respect:  Again, this should be a given, but again, I’ve seen many relationships that were missing this element and it usually ends badly.  You and your partner need to be equal peers in the relationship and respect each others rights and wishes.  If you don’t treat your partner as an equal, the relationship will never have balance and is bound for strife.  Also, as important as respect for each other is respect for oneself.  Also, respect for your partner can also equal omission – for instance, my wife had no issue with the fact that I went to a strip club for my bachelor party (she trusts me), but to have photographic evidence of it that she happened upon a year or two later she was less happy about.  Out of respect, I should not have kept that (accessible).
  3. Identity:  A common flaw in logic in many relationships is the belief that you can make your partner what you want them to be – that what they are is a potential that you can steer in the right direction.  The truth is that what you see is what you get, so if you don’t like what you see then walk away.  In order for a relationship to work, each member needs to maintain his/her own identity.  This is not to say that there is no dependence, but the dependence that is there should be to support each other’s identities and help each other reach their own potential (it can be encouraged, but not forced).  A good sense of identity has allowed my wife and I to occasionally go out to the movies and see separate movies.
  4. Patience:  Any relationship will at times test the limits of its members in many ways, and most often will test one’s patience with the other.  You have to realize that no matter how compatible, you and your partner are different people who led different lives and have different goals and ideas.  At times those differences will put you and your partner at odds with each other.  It is important to be patient with the rate at which your partner grows and evolves.  Just as you each have independent hopes and dreams, you have independent fears and insecurities.  And as much as you may find yourself wanting to tell them to snap out of them and move on, it isn’t always that simple.  There are likely such issues your partner is thinking the same about you.  Impatience leads to intolerance and frustration.  My wife’s patience has allowed me to take my time working out my career path (and it was a long and winding road – believe me).
  5. Levity:  While this is last in my list, it is certainly not the least.  It is really as simple as this – if you cannot laugh with your partner, then you may as well start crying.  Everyone has their own brand of relationship jest – my parents use insults, my wife and I use sarcasm … and to an extent insults as well (they work so well and come so easily sometimes).  So long as your humor maintains the lines of trust and respect without treading on each other’s identities or revealing gaps in patience, then it is hard to go wrong (unless you just aren’t funny – can’t help you there).  My wife and I often mix jabs of sarcasm as well as self-deprication into most things we do together.  Maybe it is a warped perspective, but I feel that you can only really insult those you respect – otherwise you are just being mean.

Wow, that ended up being a lot longer than I intended.  If you are still reading, I’m sorry about that.  I hope that this proved to be interesting/insightful/thought-provoking.  If so, feel free to share your thoughts – even if it is to say that it sucks (I’m open to levity).

Date Night

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They are too few and too far between, but this evening I took my wife out to dinner.  We considered extending the evening by going to see a movie, but after paying the bill for our fancy dinner, we decided to call it a night.  But it was at least nice to eat a meal together where we could eat and converse without outbursts, interruptions, or the frustrations of getting our children to sit still and eat something.

The reasons that we don’t do such things more often are many, but here is the short list:  lack of time, lack of money, and lack of available sitters.  On the issue of time, there simply doesn’t seem to be enough of it lately.  I often don’t get home from work until 7PM, occasionally have to do more work in the evenings and weekends once I’m home, and the free time that we have together is always busy doing things as a family.  We are lucky to manage to sit and eat three meals in a day at all none the less together and with significant planning.  As for money, a single income only stretches so far.  My wife is very sensible and frugal and stretches every dollar she has an opportunity to spend.  But with a mortgage and 2 car payments, our entertainment fund is nearly non-existent.  Finally, sitters – we have yet to actually procure paid sitter services.  I know that there are sites where you can find and contact local and reputable sitters, but neither of us have the time to vet one properly and that would also have to come out of the entertainment fund.  We do have access to some free sitter services, but schedules rarely align properly.

But tonight, things seemed to align – we had a willing (and free) sitter available, the kids were in good spirits, it was a nice day … and we had a coupon.  So we got dressed up (ish) and headed out to a nice little Italian place (the kind with a fairly short menu and very few pasta dishes on it).  We had a pleasant conversation along with good food from appetizers to dessert.  And now that we have done so, my wife can feel less guilty next weekend when she leaves me with the kids to go camping with her girlfriends … on our anniversary (our 12th – what is that, silk?  I can’t think of any camping items that should be made of silk).  I kid – no guilt necessary.  It is just a day after all.  We celebrate the marriage every day.  And the milestone will be no less important apart.

Hopefully we will make the time to go out more often in the future.  Only time will tell.  But expect to see more entries this week relating to my significant other and related topic.  In retrospect, as important a part of my life as she is, I probably should be writing more along those lines all the time.  The sentiments are there, just the expression seems too few and too far between.  I’ll have to work on that.

A Throwback to Good Taste

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I am partaking in a flavor blast from the past, and I hope it is a sign of beverage future.  Specifically I’m currently drinking a 20 fl. oz. bottle of Pepsi Throwback.  This seemingly retro beverage is a version of Pepsi made with natural sugar (I assume as opposed to high-fructose corn syrup).

This choice in beverages was no accidental happenstance, but a conscious choice to taste-test this product.  I first became aware of it a few days ago while watching NBC’s Thursday-night comedy line-up.  Pepsi had this spot for it during The Office that was all retro-ish (complete with some Isaac Hayes knock-off singing its praises).  By the time the commercial was over, I knew I would have to try it.

I know what you are thinking – that I am some sort of uber-gullible consumer that can be wooed by a catchy jingle and a shallow promise.  Not so!  See, I have in the past years become a strong opponent to artificial food products in favor of more natural/organic/raw foods.  And if I was mildly wealthy, I’d certainly be spending a good amount of that money buying only the most healthy and natural foods and drinks available.  But being as I don’t have the time or the means to do so, I make the conscious purchasing decisions I can afford.  And among the items that I avoid as much as possible are any sweetners other than natural sugars – no aspartame, no sucralose, no acesulfame potassium, no Stevia, and no high-fructose corn syrup (the latter being the most difficult to avoid).  Most of this battle tends to revolve around beverages – specifically sodas – as it is somewhat easier to find food items that are more natural and what you can’t find you can make (to a degree).  But I’m a working stiff and I’ve never been a big fan of straight water, so I try to find drinks that I like that come as close to natural as I can without costing too much.

So, as I said, I was quite eager not only to see how this new/retro Pepsi product tasted, but also to see it succeed in the market.  While the commercial seemed to suggest that it was a limited time item, I for one hope that it is the start of a trend.  See, there is a rift right now in America between health-consciousness and convenience.  Those who want to swear off such artificial items as those found in a regular Pepsi have to look harder to find them and then usually pay a premium for them when they do.  But if more of the big companies (hint-hint) started to make healthy variations on their products, then by simple market penetration they would be more accessible.  And such accessibility will lead to higher conversion and a tide of greater demand for such products.  But no matter how many hints I drop, the best way to point this out to the big food-makers is to show them there is a market.  So I for one plan to buy as much of this stuff as I can and I encourage all of you to consider doing so as well.

How does Pepsi Throwback taste, you ask?  It tastes like Pepsi – not particularly more or less sweet.  Maybe even a little cleaner taste than a standard Pepsi.  It is also satisfying to turn the bottle around and see only 6 ingredients: carbonated water, sugar, caramel color, phosporic acid, caffeine, and natural flavor.  I’ve got a couple of oz. left.  And when I’m done, I plan to recycle the bottle.  It does kind of feel like a sip of history, but not necessarily in the sense they may have intended.

Extraction Update: Check Please!

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So I wrote a few days ago about the fact that I had two of my wisdom teeth removed.  I considered writing a follow-up at the end of the day after – if I had, it would likely have read generally of how the pain wasn’t as bad as I’d expected and that I may not even need the stronger pain meds they’d given me.  If I had written that, I would have been writing a scathing retraction the very next day. Read more “Extraction Update: Check Please!”

So Am I Less Wise?

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At the age of 33, on the morn of St. Patrick’s Day, I found myself sitting under the harsh lights waiting to go under the drill – I had my wisdom teeth removed.  It was well overdue and needed to be done, but knowing that did not prevent my stomach from protesting as I approached the office door.  Intellect won the day because – as some wise man once said, my guts have shit for brains.  All told, it wasn’t a bad process and a half a day later I don’t feel all that bad. Read more “So Am I Less Wise?”