bentangle

2 – 1 = 1

by on Oct.25, 2008, under family

From a recent IM conversation with a long-time friend:

HIM:  I’m getting myself an expensive Christmas present.
ME:  Cool.  What’s that?
HIM:  A divorce!

This exchange was followed by an interesting conversation about how things fell apart.  They had been married for 6 years and have had 2 kids in that timeframe.  But it seemed that she got restless and ended up seeking external stimulus … more than once.  So while I’m a firm believer that committed relationships are attainable and there are many things that can be worked through, I agree with his choice to end things and I wish him the best in moving on.

This conversation also brought up some interesting questions.  The most poignant of which was “Why do people cheat?”  I’ve been married to my wife for 11 years and I consider her my best friend.  But I know there are plenty of marriages that don’t seem to have the same close dynamic that I share with my other half.  I’ve seen marriages full of compromises, lies, dependencies, and inequities.  They say that when people cheat on their spouse, it is an extreme symptom to a problem that has probably been present for some time.  In many cases, it is simply a matter of the person feeling neglected in or confined by their marriage.  In my time, I’ve certainly been faced with temptations and I’ve never felt compelled to to act on any of them.  So I guess that theory has merit.  It helps that there is no jealousy between us.  She has no qualms telling me who she thinks is hot and I have no concern with whom she spends her time (I don’t tell her who I think is hot simply to avoid hearing her complain about her own looks).

So I told my friend that I wish him luck in the transition.  I told him that he can contact me anytime to talk about whatever.  And I told him that he should get out there and have some fun of his own as a form of self-help therapy.  I’d hate for him to make this break and have the pain continue in the form of watching his ex dating a lot while he “babysits” for her.  The slate needs to be washed clean so he can move on with his life and find the happiness he deserves.  I wish him luck.

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